Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
