We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
