everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize