oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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