We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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