Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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