why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
