Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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