I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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