Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Alive.
So much puke
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
