PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
