Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize