She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
