he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
