i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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