Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
