SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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