we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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