Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am naked and annoyed.