I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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