I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
of course. lets lasso hookers.
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?