whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I am morally bankrupt
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
