She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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