I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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