Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My ass is underappreciated
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
