my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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