They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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