I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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