We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
