I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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