Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
