i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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