I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
