Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
