Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
