the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize