Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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