I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
