oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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