He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He passed out mid-signature
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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