The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You can't just leave with hair like that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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