I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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