Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
