TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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