i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
