I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
