i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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