turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
