...so i touched it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
