You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
