I think i peed on brittanys purse
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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