my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
