wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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