First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
