My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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