All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
