I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
