If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
