meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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