ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
