I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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