This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
honey bunches of taint.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
