We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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